Some Thoughts on Guadalajara, Travel & Life

My Journey through Five Airports and One Mexican City

I am on a plane looking out at the mountainous terrain of what I believe to be Kentucky.  Maybe.  To my right sit the older couple from New Jersey who compelled me to think, "I do not want to die next to these weirdos.", earlier in the flight.  Strange how the idea lacked emotion or concern for death.  I will soon be in Houston Texas for the first time ever.  I am embarking on a journey to Guadalajara, Mexico - though so far I have seen mostly snow.  Not in my home state of Maine.  When I left Portland it was raining.  But in New York.  I spent a day and half waiting for it to stop snowing at LaGuardia.  It snowed for thirty hours and they got almost two feet of accumulation.  Unbelievable.

Kudos to the people of Texas for building the nicest airport I have ever been in.  It is amazing.  Clean and efficient, filled with friendly people and bright sunshine.  They have an amazing tram system that links all the different gates.  I ate a black bean burrito in a little shop near my gate.  A beautiful and bored looking Mexican girl brought it to me.  I notice all the men in Houston are short and broad and look like the kind of fellows you'd like to drink bourbon in a dance hall with.  Loud laughter and wide butts.
The flight to Mexico is amazing.  Due to delays and missed connections I end up landing at the Airoporto de Guadalajara at 11pm.  The moon is full and and is as large and clear as wonder itself.  La Luna.  I am in awe of this scene when the women next to me says something in spanish.  I turn, she is small and dark and has bright pink lipstick.  She has two gold teeth which glint with cold white moonlight.  "Mi Madre es morte."  I stare at her, alarmed.  Two tears trail down her plump cheeks, leaving silver tracks in the unreal light pouring through the tiny portal of a window.  I glean from some rapid fire spanish she throws at me that her mother is dead, has died recently, and that she is traveling to Guadalajara for the funeral. 
She cries gently as she speaks, and I touch her arm and say, "Lo siento." 

Customs, a concern from the git-go, was no problemo.  Despite the late hour everyone is friendly and the process is clear.  No one makes fun of my exhuasted "Hola!  Como Esta!"  I get the first stamp in my new passport book.  Jalisco, Mexico.  It is beautiful.  I exchange my money - $100 dollars gets me about 1200 pesos.  I am unsure of what this will mean, but it looks promising.   I walk out into the cool night and am whistled and hollered at by about twenty taxi drivers, one swoops over and hustles me into his car.  He is large and plump.  I give him the name and address of the hotel in my slow concise spanish and we are off.  He drives a hundred miles an hour with incredible skill.  The city is a jumble of metal, wood, billboards,graffiti, scrubby trees, abandoned shopfronts, white walls and people.  My hotel, Hotel San Francisco is in the historic center of the city on a narrow stone street across from a stone courtyard with a fountain.  Next door is Sol Sexi's Bar, which is bursting with noise, laughter, shrieking and people.  It is now almost 1am.

Like Nothing I've Seen or Felt Before

My time in the city center of guadalajara was amazing and life changing. The weather was wonderful, cool in the morning, bright sunshine and clear sky's, working its way up to hot by 2pm and then as the sun sank low it cooled slowly back into the upper 40s. The people were kind and beautiful, there were so many plump laughing babies I lost count. Everywhere there was history, in the buildings, courtyards, fountains, and the streets themselves. Hundreds of vendors sold every product imaginable. Musicians roamed about along with mimes, acrobats, and armed military. Outside the historic and commercial center the buildings and people changed. There is a stronger homeless presence, more empty shopfronts, stripped vehicles, and garbage, but even there the people were friendly, no one paid me much mind. Walking to El Panteon de Belen, an old and amazing graveyard outside the city central, I saw a park filled with homeless people. They hung their clothes on trees and bushes, had blankets and possessions strewn about. But even here in the park I saw an old man laying in the grass holding aloft a dirty chubby baby. He spoke gently to it and hoisted it higher and the baby laughed and laughed, waving fat arms around and the man laughed, his toothless grin joyous and momentarily unencumbered by his residency in a filthy park.

Sometimes walking the streets I smell pee, sometimes a strong smell like sticking your head into a big bag of dog kibble, and sometimes the wind brings the sweet scent of orange blossoms from the orange trees that line the avenues. Mixed in with these standbys are the smells of cooking food, wonderful, and the many scents worn by the Mexican men. Hair tonic, cologne, I don't know what, but these guys smell really good. Strong, but good. I can't stop looking; at the balconies, fountains, musicians, children, and people. The sun is hot and wonderful. The food is amazing and cheap.

My travels home are exhausting and incomprehensible.  I end up at four different airports in less then fourteen hours.  I am at one point starving to death and forced to subsist on a glass of cran-apple juice containing at best four ounces of actual juice and two packages of pretzels, both slightly larger then sugar packets and a quarter full of pretzels of the stick variety broken into pieces not much bigger then tic tacs.  Another moment in time finds me wishing dead what I had thought to be a beautiful and angelic baby.  It's capacity for high pitched caterwauling is beyond anything I have ever known.  I eventually reach Newark New Jersey and find myself eating some soup and drinking Bass ale next to a large red faced man who is telling me about how his cousin got pulled over by a helicopter ( am I even hearing him right?  He is speaking english, but...) going 180mph on the turnpike in Connecticut.  "Right," I say, "you got to watch out for that."  I am thinking of Hallowell, Maine in a way I never have before, with frank and limitless love and longing.  I've always liked my home, but now it seems to me to be the softest and loveliest of places where everyone understands me and where I know just what to do and say, and where I am free to do and say nothing at all if I like.  Home.

A Guide to Grief : The Loss of your Pet

When a Good Friend Dies

The loss of a pet means different things to different people. Even under the best of circumstances it can be a difficult and painful transition. And of course, life does not always present us with tidy partings. Sometimes the loss can be sudden and unexpected, taking a young healthy pet from the prime of it's life, other times a pet's owner is forced to euthanize a sick or injured pet. These are difficult situations.

Whether the loss was sudden and unexpected or a long illness in an older animal, most people find a whole bevy of emotions that will accompany the transition. This is entirely normal, and although certain wellsprings of feeling can be intense, and seem overwhelming, the best thing to do is embrace them, truly feel them, and then let them go. In grief we often find ourselves adrift in a dark sea, but the idea of escaping or turning away from painful emotions is only a way of delaying and distorting what is a healthy and necessary part of life. Take the time to grieve. Know that the pain will not last forever, that it will change and soften over time, turning from pain and sadness to a gentle grief blanketing the wonderful memories of the life and love you shared with your pet.

There are many things you can do to help move through this time. When I lost my dog Janus in November of 2011, I found the journey through grief came in steps, and there were many things I did along the way to help me fully experience and move beyond the pain.

"Ever has it been that love knows not it's own depth until the hour of separation" Kahlil Gibran

When my dog Janus was first diagnosed, at the age of 11, with an aggressive and very advanced cancer, she was already quite ill. She was having a very hard time breathing and her heart was enlarged and beating irregularly. This was the most difficult moment for me. I began to weep, unable to use words or language to express the immense anger and fear that the idea of my dog's imminent death created in me. I cried continuously for the next 12 hours. As Janus was still able to walk around and was still eating, I decided to take her home and spend some time with her.

In the next stage I found myself unbearably sad. I was not sleeping, and the physical presence of my dog, uncomfortable though not in serious pain, was very upsetting to me. She had lost a lot of weight, and upon returning from the vet she would only eat a few bites of the hamburgers I was cooking for her. I knew I would need to bring her in and have her put to sleep. I new that her quality of life was poor, and that having her suffer was causing me a lot of pain. The thought of making the appointment and bringing her to be euthanized was extremely painful. It was at this time that I reached out to friends and family. I shared my grief with them, explaining what was happening, and that I would be loosing my constant companion of the last 11 years. They didn't have to do or say anything much, it was simply the act of saying the words aloud and sharing my grief with the people I loved, feeling their support and love, that helped me truly feel the sadness. I am so grateful to all those that supported me for the immeasurable comfort they gave me. After reaching out I was able to call my vet and make her appointment. I cried more after this call, but it had a touch of relief in it.

- Think about what you would do if your pet became very ill before it happens. Would you euthanize? When would such a decision be right for you, your pet, and your family? Have a plan in place.

- Reach out to friends and family when you are sad and upset. A simple phone call, email, or even text can take the weight of sorrow a bit off your shoulders, and the outpouring of love and kind words people will give in return is always sweetly surprising and healing. People want to help! They sometimes just don't know how. Share your grief, it will dilute it's intesity and help you heal.

- When an animal is sick or in pain it is extremely overwhelming for people who love it. When you have decided what you need to do - take action right away. Delaying will only cause more pain, guilt, uncertainty, and will extend the suffering of your pet.

Bringing Janus in to be euthanized was the second worst moment in the journey of her death. I made the decision to go alone. I did this because Janus and I had been together, the two of us, always, and I wanted it to be that way in her death as in her life. It was for me a deeply personal experience. Your vet will offer you many options, and these should be things you think about before your pet is ill. You can be with your pet when it is put under, you can wait outside the room, you can drop your pet off, etc. Make a decision that is right for you and your family. Who needs to be there and why? Don't let other people tell you what is right. If you feel you need to be with your pet, then do it. If you feel the scene will be too overwhelming, and that you will only upset your pet with crying and intense emotion, then make a different plan.

I chose to take my dog's body and bury her. There are a whole slew of options today for how you want to lay your pet to rest. Cremation is readily available and if you have a large pet, or do not have space to bury an animal, it is a good option. Whatever you decide it can be helpful to create a moment, for you and your family, for closure. I brought my dog out to a our family homestead, where previous family pet's had been buried, and where my Father's ashes had been sprinkled. This was a sacred and important place, and I felt really good about putting Janus on this piece of land. I buried her immediately, digging the hole in the rocky Maine soil. The work of digging the hole felt good after my muddled and sleepless days and nights. I was tired, weary, and sad, but I can say that after Janus's suffering ended, a large part of my pain and sorrow ended too.

- Have a plan in place for bringing your pet in to be euthanized & for how you will deal with the remains.

- Honor your pet in it's final resting place.

"When you are sorrowful, look again in your heart, and you will see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight." Kahlil Gibran

I was exhausted and took some time to care for myself. I got extra sleep, spent time with those closest to me, and made sure to eat and exercise. I cleaned my apartment and removed all but a few of Janus's things. I gave much of her stuff to a local shelter and to friends, including a cache of dog food. I ordered a large photo of Janus, in her prime, and had it framed. I hung this in a prominent spot, and hung her leash next to it. I also wrote a tribute to Janus which I published online and shared with friends. All of these things helped me feel better about my loss. However you choose to do it, remembering your pet and acknowledging the loss are important. Photos, poetry, essays, gravestones and markers, talking with friends and family - whatever it may be it is important to pay tribute to your friend and all the joy you shared together.

- If your pet had a lot of toys, bedding and food consider donating them or giving them to a friend who could use them. You no longer have that pet, and keeping their accoutrement around can be painful. Keep one or two special items, get rid of the rest.

- Honor your pet in photos, art, written word, or speech. Acknowledge the loss.

-Be prepared for the strangeness of no longer having the pet in your life. Things like being alone in your house, taking a walk without your dog, and no longer having to rush home to feed your pet can be confusing and can reaffirm sadness and loss. This is OK, and in time the strangeness will wear off.

It will take time, of course. I often think of Janus, and sometimes I miss her, simply miss her. But it has gotten better, easier, and I am so grateful that Janus was in my life. It is likely that you will outlive your pet, but this shouldn't prevent you from cherishing and loving every moment you have with them, and remembering them joyously after they are no longer there. Love is larger then death. We grieve for our pets because we love them, but love does not end. Be grateful for the time you had. Find peace in the meetings and partings of life.

"The deeper that sorrow carves into your being the more joy you can contain. Is not the cup that holds your wine the very cup that was burned in the potter's oven?" Kahlil Gibran

How to Get Paid to do a Sleep Study

I recently embarked on the interesting and unusual adventure of participating in a paid 9 day sleep study. I found out about the study through an add on Craigslist. I have learned a lot about the business of becoming a paid volunteer by going through the process and would like to share my experience and give some tips to those looking to make some money doing paid sleep studies of their own.


Getting the gig:
I saw an add on Craigslist seeking volunteers for a 9 day sleep study in Boston Massachusetts. I thought it sounded interesting and shot off an email looking for more info. Within twenty four hours I got a phone call from Peter. I would get to know Peter pretty well over the next four weeks or so. He was polite, informative, and courteous as a rule. He explained in great detail what they were looking for and asked me about 20 minutes worth of questions. These questions related to my sleep patterns (they were looking for healthy sleepers for this study,no insomnia etc.), my overall health, my schedule (would I be flexible enough to jump through their many hoops), any drugs I took (prescribed or otherwise, this study sought females 18-35 who took little to no prescription drugs, did not smoke, or use over the counter meds regularly). He explained to me that this study was a 9 day in lab sleep study looking at the effects of light on circadian rhythms. It would require three weeks of preliminary data collection, and two preliminary interviews to take place in Boston. I scheduled my first meeting with Peter for the following week and my adventure began.


Preliminary work :
When I met with Peter he reviewed a large packet with me, about 15 pages of detailed descriptions of what would happen to me during the nine days I spent at Brigham and Women's Hospital in the sleep lab. He then reviewed what I would need to do (starting that day) leading up to my Lab stay. For the next three weeks I had to A) sleep a set eight hour schedule every night, (I choose 10pm-6am) I would have to call Peter when I went to sleep at 10p and again when I awoke at 6a. B) wear an actiwatch, which is a small light monitor which straps to your wrist and monitors light and movement (this thing can tell if you're sleeping your set schedule, if you're taking naps, or taking it off). C) refrain from the use of alcohol, caffiene, nicotine, and any and all medications including multi vitamins, over the counter cold and pain medication, supplements etc. I would be given several urine tests to be sure I was not breaking that rule. I then was given a physical exam, and gave a urine sample to test for any health problems that would make me ineligible.

I drove home with my list dos and donts. I structured myself right away. I had a sleep log to track my sleep and wake times, I set my cell phone alarm to 9:45pm and 5:45am respectively. If I missed any of my call ins I would not qualify, if I tried to bend or break the rules I would not qualify, and I wanted to qualify, so I took it seriously, and if you want to do a sleep study you should too. They want clean data, and if you do anything that could effect that data they will simply pass you over and move on to the next volunteer.

It was interesting adhering to such a rigid schedule, even for me a very regular sleeper. I noticed within a few days that my body adjusted and I became very sleepy after 9:30pm and would wake up just before the alarm every day. I felt odd getting up at 6a on my days off, but soon learned to enjoy the extra time. Beware outside interference on you sleep schedule. It is very important that you follow the schedule exactly, and your light monitor gives them a very accurate picture of whether or not you're truly doing that. Don't let family members or friends ruin your hard work. The sleep and wake times are nonnegotiable.

I got that classic caffeine headache within twenty four hours of not drinking coffee. It lasted about two days, and was at times blinding. Of course I could not use aspirin or acetaminophen, so I just drank water and herbal teas and got through it. Herbal teas were great for me overall. Watch out for hidden caffeine in chocolate, decaf coffee which is not caffeine free, tea (green, black, chai all have caffeine only caffeine free herbal teas are safe). I would recommend reducing caffeine use before your study if possible, this will help shorten the ensuing headache.

I had a second appointment in Boston about two weeks into my preliminary work. I had an eye exam, a psyche evaluation, and sat down with Shidab the project leader. He reviewed again, item by item, what I could expect in the sleep lab. I would have an IV in my arm the entire time. I would have to wear a core body temperature thermometer the entire time, there would be no clocks or windows in the lab and I would not be allowed at any point to know what time or day it was. I would be subjected to varying degrees of light including dim and very bright lights. I would be required to complete 2 CRs. CR stands fro Constant Routine, and it means you're in bed, sitting up, moving as little as possible, without sleeping for anywhere from 24-70 hours. During that time you eat many small snacks, rather then meals, which are all the same. I agreed to all of this and signed my consent form. I was about 12 days away from entering the lab.


The Lab:
When I arrived at Brigham and Women's Hospital with my suitcase of books and Pajamas I was ready for anything, which was good, because the next nine days proved to be challenging and strange. Everything happened exactly as I had been told it would, and yet there are many miles of difference between someone telling you you'll have an IV and getting one, someone telling you you'll be awake for 24-70 hours and actually sitting in bed in a dimly lit room unsure how long you've been up and how long you have to go. Overall I would say that it was never horrible or painful, but often uncomfortable and tedious.

I found the staff courteous and professional, my room was clean and plain, white walls, bed, desk, and that's abou it. I was required to take computer tests throughout my stay which were dull and got progressively more terrible as I moved from nervous, to bored, to exhausted, to a point beyond exhaustion which may have bordered on insanity. I had some free time the first two wake periods, but after that I was either in CR or doing light exposure tests that prevented me from reading or writing or doing much of anything. I found the techs, nurses, and doctors interesting and kind, they were definitely the best part of my stay.

The worst part was without a doubt the Constant Routines. I had 2 of them in my 9 days in the lab. Upon exiting, my project leader Shidab, told me they had been 50 and 30 hours respectively. I was in dim light throughout both CRs so my idea of reading books to pass the time quickly evaporated. I could just barely read in that light, and when I became tired it became impossible. I should have brought more music and books on tape, and would recommend them to anyone doing a similar study. I could not watch movies as the TV screen gave off too much light. Mostly what I did was play cards and talk with the Techs who were in the room with me constantly. I had computer testing which became progressively more difficult. These are performance/alertness tests involving clicking a mouse when you see a number appear in an empty box, clicking right or left for particular letters that appear in a series and so on. Also at the end of each test you rate your tiredness and mood.

I truly did loose track of time, especially after my first 50 hour CR. It was very important for my well being that I stop thinking about or trying to track time, as that was futile and stressful; I had little control, as I was told when to sleep, wake, shower, etc. and the best thing for it was just to relax and be in the moment. Know that you are volunteering, and can leave at anytime, and that many people before you have survived the ordeal and lived to tell the tale. The day a woke up and was told to take a shower and get ready to be discharged was absolute elation. I had set a goal of completing the damn thing and I had done it! It was exciting and satisfying. Going out that door into the bright, bright light was a wonderful feeling. I was tired and a bit weak but overjoyed to see the sky and my loved ones again. I had missed my family and was so grateful to give them hugs when I got home.

The Monies:
For my particular 9 day sleep study, and the three weeks leading up to it, and the two preliminary visits, I received $3,000. This amount is paid about four weeks after you are discharged from the Lab. If at anytime either before or during your lab stay you quit or are disqualified, you are paid for what you have completed (ie $150 for each day spent in the lab, $45 for each week wearing the actiwatch etc.) however when you finish the final day of the study you get a $650 bonus, so you absolutely want to complete the study if you can. You will not get your money the day you leave the Lab, it will be mailed to you up to four weeks later (and this surely varies at different sleep research facilities). When you complete a study you can not do another study for three months.

The different studies vary greatly, as does the pay. They tend to range from 3 - 39 days and the pay is based more on difficulty then length. For instance there are several 14 day studies that pay less then what I recieved for my 9 day study, however they do not require an IV or CRs. You will want to choose a study that matches your willingness for discomfort. If you are not comftorable with an IV and blood draws do not sign up for a study where you will have an IV for 9 days! Make sure the study requirements are 100% ok with you before you get in there.

If you are interested in a sleep study you should check out this site : http://sleep.med.harvard.edu/research/recruitment

They have all different kinds of studies and seek all different kinds of participants. Also watch Craigslist as many different sleep study recruiters place adds there.

This is another good sight to check out for more opportunities across the country : http://paidfocusgroup.net/ClinicalStudies_View.aspx

Sleep studies are interesting and challenging adventures. They are a good way to make some quick money, and you get a great experience to tell your friends about. I am glad I participated in my study and I plan to do one again in the future, however I do not take them lightly, it is very much like a job and can test you inner strength and perseverance. If you are interested in a sleep study I highly recommend that you check out the sites and get in touch with a recruiter today!

Insomnia: How to Stop It

Tired? For many people the answer is, was, and seemingly will always be: Oh, yes, so very. There are many causes of sleep disorders. Insomnia is a sleep disorder in which a person has problems falling and staying asleep, and wakes often during the night, for 30 days or more. For many (myself included) the problem starts as secondary Insomnia, meaning the problem sleeping begins from a secondary source; examples are stress/anxiety, depression, pain, medication, drugs/alcohol, asthma, etc. However, when a pattern of irregular sleep begins, we often find that simply removing the initial cause does not cure us of what is now primary insomnia, sleeping problems not related to another source. The pattern of sleepless nights, fatigue, daytime napping, weakened immune system, irritability, troubles with focus and memory, create their own separate problem, a new monster that stands alone.

My own story began with irregular sleeping patterns due to lifestyle. I was working nights, was often sedentary, used nicotine and caffiene, and had little respect for sleep or taking care of myself. Over time stress and depression compounded my sleeping problems. As I moved into my mid 20s I no longer enjoyed my self proclaimed insomnia. It was becoming a larger and larger issue. I began to change my lifestyle. But despite these efforts my sleeping became more and more irregular, until I reached a point where I was awake every night till the wee hours of the morning, dozed irregularly till it was time to go to work, was exhausted all day, struggled to stay awake in the early evening, then was wall eyed and anxious come bed time. Nights I didn't have to work the following day I simply stayed awake at night, active, then slept during my day off.

"In it's early stages, insomnia is almost a temple, in which those of us who need to think, or suffer darkly, take refuge." Sidonie-Gabrielle Colette

When the persistent irregular sleep of five years or so moved into a nightly torment, and my days began to blur and smolder, I decided to make it my one focus to create healthy, easy, balm-like sleep. I knew that my health, mental and physical, depended on it, and that any other goals in my life needed to be secondary to creating healthy sleeping patterns.

The first things I did were:

1.Remove any and all substances from the game. I was no longer smoking cigarettes. I reduced my coffee intake to one cup in the morning with breakfast. I did not drink any caffeinated beverages during the day (certainly nothing after 4pm). I did not drink any alcohol. I did not use any sleeping medication (prescription or over the counter). I did not eat anything after 5pm, and I looked at my white sugar intake and reduced it throughout the day. Some of these were easy and mostly already in place, some were difficult and required substantial change, which takes time and repetitive effort. My sleeping did not improve when I was making these changes. Contrarily my not drinking coffee during the day, and not having any alcoholic drinks after work soured my mood further.

2.Create and adhere to a regiment of sleeping and waking. This is the hardest and most important part. I had to change jobs to do this, change socializing schedules (which in some cases knocked a few friends out of my regular loop), and make specific requests of anyone I shared a home or bed with. Based on my work schedule at the time my system involved turning off the TV and computer at 7pm. I would read and/or take a bath, write, create art, and meditate. Nothing loud, bright, or too exciting. Relaxing is good. I got in bed at 9:30pm. I got out of bed at 6:00am. I did this seven days a week. I did not go out at night past 9pm, and I did not sleep in on my days off.

3.Create a sweet sleeping environment. Your bedroom should be cool, clean and neat, dark and as quiet as possible. TVs and computers should be off after 7pm and should ideally not be in the room at all. Get rid of lit digital clocks. Set an alarm and hide your clock out of sight. Clean sheets are a must. If you tossed and turned the night before change your sheets (and don't toss and turn, but we'll get to that). Get rid of clutter, get good shades. If there is a lot of noise in your house at night get a white noise machine. If you share a bed, and it disrupts your sleep, you may need to ask for a reprieve and or sleep alone for awhile. Sounds drastic, but if you're not sleeping, night after night, and you want that to change, you need to be proactive, and put your health first.

4.Be active and relaxed during your waking hours. I worked 40 hours a week at the time, and my job was physical, but I added one hour of walking seven days a week to my regime. This was good in that it burned up energy, but it also helped relax me and cleared my mind. Exercise improves mood, reduces stress, and builds lean muscle, all of which help with sleeping patterns. I also meditated to reduce stress created from work, life, and the living breathing world. Don't nap during the day until your sleeping patterns are back to normal. Don't stoke the fires of the worry mill. Don't think about sleeping when you're awake. Arrange your day so you are physically tired at night, and mentally quiet. Keep a gratitude journal and write in it in the evening. Listing all the good things in your life, big or small, is a calming and humbling activity.
After months of implementing and practicing I slowly began to notice improvements. I had to keep a positive attitude, remind myself why it was important to sleep, and keep returning to my plan when I got sidelined by particularly bad nights. I found it helpful to not stay in bed after two hours of quiet dark rest. If sleep didn't come I got out of bed and went into a dark room, and read a book with a small book light. I did not eat, turn on the TV, become anxious, make coffee, smoke, turn on bright lights, go online, etc. I just read my book calmly until I became drowsy. Don't stay in bed if you're tossing and turning. Relax your body, and do something quiet.

"Sleep that knits up the ravelled sleave of care
The death of each day's life, sore labour's bath
Balm of hurt minds, great nature's second course,
Chief nourisher in life's feast."
~William Shakespeare

Today I sleep soundly and wake rested. I have survived new stresses, 70+ hour work weeks, late nights out with friends, illnesses that kept me awake many nights in a row, without missing a beat or returning to my old sleep problems. If you are struggling with insomnia you can change it, make a new choice, create a new status quo. Good sleep, a well rested mind and body, and energized and engaging days are available to you, and you deserve to have them!

A Visit to the Topless Coffee Bar circa 2009

Saturday at 3 in the afternoon I walked into the "lobby" of the Topless Coffee Bar in Vassalboro Maine. I looked to my left and there stood a girl of about 22, tan, topless and smiling. I turned to my friend, still coming in the door, and giggled, "This is it." It was pretty exciting.

The Topless Coffee Bar opened it's doors in the spring of 2009, attracting local and national media attention. A place like Vassalboro Maine being mentioned on CNN and featured in a popular YouTube video is pretty big potatoes and it's created about as much buzz as this area ever gets. Local people I've spoken to seem amused and pleased. Despite being a prudish puritanical group the whole scene is so silly and innocent (it's not a strip club or massage parlor, just a coffee shop, no alcohol even) that people are pretty light on the subject. The most negative thing I've heard about it is something along the lines of, "It's kind of weird, isn't it." Well, it is, and that said, I had to check it out first hand.  And it was lucky I did, as some 6 months later the establishment was burned to the ground, a blaze which was later ruled as arson!  Oh, its just like a soap opera!

I asked a friend to go out with me that day, a girl about my age (late twenties) from the Portland area. She agreed to go without showing excitement or reservation, but once inside she seemed rather scandalized, which I hadn't expected. The place reminded me of a small pizza joint. The main room had tables and benches with a tiled floor. There was a small carpeted cove where the coffee pots sat along with a large drink cooler filled to bursting with gas station donuts and honey buns. There was a faux stone fireplace in the coffee cove, but it wasn't in use. And thank God, as it was about 85 degrees in there. There were big black speakers mounted in the sitting area blasting Rob Zombie, but the crowd was so giddy and convivial it sometimes drowned out the hammering beats of Living Dead Girl.

Once we sat down there was only one empty table of the fifteen. The place was packed. There was an older couple at one booth who'd we'd followed in. They were silent and smiling at one another like they were there to collect their lottery winnings. It was kind of heart warming to see them sharing the experience. The only other female customer was sitting amid a group of ecstatic 18 year old boys. I caught her eye at one point and she looked absolutely desperate. I wondered why she'd come to the place if it was so upsetting to her, much like I wondered about my own companion, who was clutching her cup of coffee and staring at the window two inches to her right, which was covered by corrugated white plastic, as if at the bars of a cell. The other tables were full of men, mostly in their late twenties to early thirties. They were all laughing and smiling, seemingly drugged by their good fortune. They joked with one another and bought each other donuts. "Tell you what Beautiful, bring us a round of Honey buns, on me!" That's going to cost you like 25 bucks, I thought.

On a stranger note, the one topless Waiter there turned out to be a friend of mine, a guy I knew fairly well and who I had no idea worked there until I walked in the door and saw him standing behind a girl with tear drop shaped breasts. He wore a tiny pair of shorts and sneakers and had an order pad strapped to his waist. All he lacked was a pair of roller skates. We laughed when we saw each other, embarrassed and happy at the same time.

"You like working here?"

"I Love it!" he said and laughed, letting his eyes rove the room. And I couldn't blame him. The place had the feel of a carnival, everyone happy, strangers laughing and talking with one another. The topless girls wandered the room, the color of cinnamon from the tops of their feet to their hairlines. They were much prettier then I had thought they'd be. Real American Beauties, no Greek goddesses here, the color of toast with blazing blond hair crimping down their backs, they wore tiny skirts and platform shoes, had tribal tattoos on their bellies and lower backs, and the prettiest of the group had tiny, tasteful gold nipple rings. The bouncer was a small rugged guy in a white button up shirt who sat talking with the costumers and watching the door, but the mood was so light I couldn't imagine there being any trouble.

I found the whole thing pretty fun. Knowing the male waiter made it seem more like a social call. After delivering our truly awful coffee and trying to sell us donuts stacked ten deep in the cooler he came and sat with us, right next to my friend who was now sweating baby oil and refused to make eye contact with me. I saw many of the girls sit at the tables they were serving to chat up the customers. I don't know if they are encouraged to do this to create camaraderie and increase their tips or if it was more of, I don't want to be topless and the only one standing. I asked my friend the waiter about the work and he said it was great, he'd applied the day after they opened and "I took my shirt off and got the job." It was actually the perfect work for him, and I was really happy to see him so at peace. I asked him about the other guys working there and he said he was the only one. There had been an older guy but he'd been fired. I pressed him for details but he was mum on the subject, leading me to believe there had been some kind of incident.

It was hot in there, and a light odor of BO was certainly present, coming from the overdressed guys all amped up on boiling coffee and nudity, not from the wait staff. The coffee was plain atrocious, the kind of stuff you dump in the street when you have the misfortune of being handed a cup of it. Our bill for the two cups was seven bucks. I was heavy handed with the tip, as I would want people to be if I was prancing around naked. I bid adieu to my friend the waiter and headed out the door. On the smoking deck (a hold over from the days the place had been a bar) a young rascal smoked a Camel, "What did you ladies think?" he bellowed jovially. My overheated pal was racing for the car and flat out ignored him, but I turned and proclaimed "I like it." He nodded heartily. It's great, he agreed. I told him I thought the girls were very pretty and he nodded again, both of us apparently having had lower expectations. "They are really friendly too, I liked talking with them, you know." Well sure you did, Buddy, they were nude. He waved goodbye like we were the best of friends.

As I pulled out, my stomach churning with coffee flavored chaos, I considered what a great place to meet guys it was, I'd seen more guys my age in there then I had all winter. I said this to my companion, who had fallen into a stony silence, and she threw me a pretty hard look. I guess it wouldn't be for everyone, but me, I had a great time.

Book Recommendations to Change the World

Wake up and be the Revolution

In a society where wealthy and powerful forces are trying to keep us asleep, confused, passive, and weak it is very difficult to convey with enough passion, force, and emphasis what serious trouble our world is in and how little time we have to create the broad sweeping changes that will need to happen to avert further horror. In the United States we are all subject to the farce of government, the joke of freedom, the puppet show of a citizen empowered nation, and the lie of democracy.

Despite the growing dissent among an increasingly impoverished and abused populace, people are unwilling to take action, to realize that they are a part of the machine that is spreading death, destruction, environmental negligence, resource depletion, and abuse of people and animals all in the name of profit and greed. While we stand by worrying about cheaply made and vapid consumerism, television programs, and orchestrated/ meaningless political bickering, horrific and sweeping crimes are being perpetrated by corrupt corporations and governments, often using the general populace as a tool.
Tired of it? Well so am I. Here are some books to help you learn what is really going on and what you can do to help.


Death of the Liberal Class by Chris Hedges

"If voting changed anything they'd make it illegal." - Emma Goldman

In this fierce and fact laden book journalist Chris Hedges denounces the "liberal class" for doing nothing in the face of continuous war, the creation of a permanent underclass, and rampant corruption. He shows that the elected politicians have consciously sold out the working class for corporate money.
" Corporations have thirty-five thousand lobbyists in Washington and thousands more in state capitals that dole out corporate money to shape and write legislation.... The financial sector, for example, spent more then $5 billion on political campaigns, which resulted in sweeping deregulation, the gouging of consumers, our global financial meltdown, and the subsequent looting of the U.S. Treasury....Obama lies as cravenly if not as crudely as George W. Bush. He promised that the transfer of $12.8 trillion in taxpayer money to Wall Street would open up credit and lending to the average consumer following the financial crisis. It did not. He told us he would withdraw troops from Iraq, close Guantanamo Bay detention camp, end torture, restore civil liberties such as habeas corpus, pass a health-care bill with a robust public option, and create new jobs. He has not."
He interviews dozens of people inside of the government, press, military, and corporate machines. The media, Hollywood, the news, our senate, congress, and president are all controlled by a tiny sliver of people all seeking profit above integrity, humanity, truth and justice. This book will make you question everything, and should be required reading for everyone.

Healing Cancer from the Inside Out by Mike Anderson

"During the past fifty years scientists experimenting with thousands of animals have found 700 ways of causing cancer. But they have not discovered one way of curing the disease." -J. F. Brailsford, M.D.

The first part of the book examines the failure of conventional cancer treatments and provides a shocking portrait of just how unsuccessful these treatments are. Looking closely at our broken health care system and how drug companies hide the truth of how misguided we are in our "battle" against cancer the book shows money motivated corruption and a continuous turning away from the data of success rates of inexpensive diet and lifestyle based treatments. Our current methods to treat the majority of cancers (there are exceptions, such as prostate and some childhood cancers) are ineffective at best (fatal at worst) and extremely profitable. The same can be said for heart disease and diabetes. Yet these treatments are touted as the only option, and doctors and patients finding success out side of these industries are mocked and silenced.
The second part of the book provides an explanation of how cancer can be reversed naturally through diet and lifestyle changes, giving many real life stories of successful outcomes. The diet laid out is a vegan and mainly raw food diet. I found this book a bit fanatical in sections, and some of the data seemed a bit "loose", but despite some of Anderson's broad sweeping statements, ie "All Cancer can be cured through diet alone." I believe the majority of the information is accurate, unreported in the mass media and very important. Just the corporate control that large meat and dairy industries have in our government alone is eye opening and frightening. When you tie that greed to the multi trillion dollar "fight against cancer" the health care industry has been touting for 70 years, with such poor results, the picture is very disturbing indeed.


A People's History of the United States by Howard Zinn

"Historically, the most terrible things - war, genocide, and slavery - have resulted not from disobedience, but from obedience." - Howard Zinn

This history text is a time line of our countries founding through the eyes of the common people, rather than the elite. It is a fairly well known and revered book, by a man who is today, after his death, respected and celebrated for his honesty and bravery. During his life, due to his outspokenness and content of his work, he was tracked by the FBI and labeled a security threat, despite never having committed a crime. Many historians dismissed him for breaking from the status quo.
Make sure you get the complete, unabridged copy of this book. My first taste of The People's History, was an abridged audio version, read by Matt Damon. I assumed the work was paltry, weak, and redundant, till I read the complete text sans Matt Damon twittering away like an imbecile in my ear, and realized it was informative, meticulously researched and extremely interesting. Coming from the public school system of 1980s-90s it was almost comical (in a darkly ironic and tragic manner)l how the celebrated events I was taught about in the classroom were revealed as having a flip side saturated in deceit, injustice, murder, and maltreatment of the masses. Our heroes are manufactured, polished, and sometimes completely rebuilt to suit our clean and glossy self image as a country, when in reality, many of these figures were criminals.

The Sorrows of Empire by Chalmers Johnson

"We do not think of these overseas deployments as a form of empire; in fact, most Americans do not give them any thought at all until something truly shocking, such as the treatment of prisoners at Guantanamo Bay, brings them to our attention. But the people living next door to these bases and dealing with the swaggering soldiers who brawl and sometimes rape their women certainly think of them as imperial enclaves, just as the people of ancient Iberia or nineteenth-century India knew that they were victims of foreign colonization." -Chalmers Johnson, referring to our 725 military bases on foreign soil.

Most Americans do not recognize—or do not want to recognize—that the United States dominates the world through its military power. Due to government secrecy, they are often ignorant of the fact that their government garrisons the globe. They do not realize that a vast network of American military bases on every continent except Antarctica actually constitutes a new form of empire. Jonson lays down the facts, giving actual numbers for how many bases we maintain, how much they cost, the cost of our wars, and the real death tolls from these wars. The numbers are staggering. While politicians argue about welfare costs we are dumping over half our federal budget into a military system, whose spending is mostly unreported and unaccounted for. This is the second of a three part series by old Chalmers, the first being Blowback and the last Nemesis, all are worth checking out.

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We have an obligation as thinking and feeling human beings to seek the truth. I consider it my life's work to read and learn everything I can, to gather information and make my own decisions about the world around me. When we as a people are faced with injustice, corruption, and evil we must act. I hope you find these books as powerful and informative as I did. I hope you will feel compelled to learn more and to disengage from our culture of hedonism, spectacle, preoccupation with self, and greed. We can transform our world, but we need to be engaged and active, moving forward with integrity and honesty.